Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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