In the future we'll all be gay
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize