Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We need a shit load of segways right now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
