Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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