I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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