A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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