He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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