I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
