Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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