His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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