I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
