physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
