I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
