It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
