We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
