I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I just sharted jello shots
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
