I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
