shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
