ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
