90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They took my balls.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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