so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
