she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
