Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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