This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm like, not good at living.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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