you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
