Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize