You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize