eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
