Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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