she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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