Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
