yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
