I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i now understand why vodka
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
