I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
