4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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