the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
