it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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