Heybabeimwearingurpanties
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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