left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
