you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
