I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
