hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
