I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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