is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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