aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
