we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
we're so committed to being not committed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
