You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
