singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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