My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
