Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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