Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
