Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
PANTIES FOUND
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
