My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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