handjob tips. give me some.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
