Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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