do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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