who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
