Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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