yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
