He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
