Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Couch. On fire.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
