He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
