Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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