You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
