What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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