we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
