look no pants
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
