I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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