I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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