We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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