What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
