Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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