dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
